Pretty much since high school my life has been full up to the max. From 18 to 20 I balanced three jobs and a full course load. My early twenties began with a mortgage, a marriage, and the start of my "career".  While working 40 hours a week or more, for a large company, I took on the task of achieving my professional accounting designation via correspondence. And given that I am an incredibly, stubborn overachiever I didn't just do a couple courses at a time, nope, I did 4 or 5 per semester for five years straight. I know, I'm crazy. Oh but wait, that wasn't all.  During this time I also helped my husband run his business by tackling the accounting and all of the paper work that constantly spread across the kitchen counter.  Fast forward a few years and near the end of my schooling we decided to really test the limits of our sanity.  I was in the final two year leg of my CMA designation, what they call the Strategic Leadership Program and what I call Management Accountant Boot Camp. Apparently holding down a full time job, now as the senior financial go-to person for our office, and a do-or-die-tragically executive program was not enough. Nope, we had to throw in having a baby, moving in with my parents and building a brand new house in there as well. (Believe it or not, nobody was killed in the making of these accomplishments.)

I have spent years having to schedule, plan, map, plan and schedule almost all of my time. I was very disciplined with everything I was responsible for and there was literally no down time - well, that's not true I did sleep......a bit.  I missed out on a lot and having so many commitments took a toll on my relationships all around - it was very challenging and I am super proud of myself and everybody involved, for making it through and for supporting me. 

So what's my point and what does this have to do with anything? Well, after all these years of not being able to sit down unless it was to study or breastfeed, I am really struggling with days when I have nothing - or what seems like nothing to me - to do.  Yes, keeping the house clean and the family fed and the blogs written and the business records up to date and working when I can and going to board meetings and visiting with friends when the kids aren't screaming at me, keep me pretty busy by conventional standards. But there are lulls that I simply can't handle. I try to sit down and I can't; within 30 seconds I'm up and fidgeting and looking for something to organize. I constantly feel like there is something I "should" be doing.

Living on a west coast island you need to learn to relax, to let go, to sit on the beach and DO NOTHING, but stare and breathe and stare some more.  I need to remind myself of this constantly.

"Dear Self, it's okay to do nothing..stop that, put that down, you can do nothing!"

So if you are relocating to an island from the city or a fast passed job or lifestyle.....better take head of this warning or you could end up like me, a neurotic afraid-to-do-nothinger. 

You have my official permission to do nothing, in fact please do a lot of nothing, and do some nothing for me.


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