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I am the working mother of two little minions, just on a new adventure in another province away from my seaside home trying desperately to solve life's many riddles and find inner peace despite all the chaos...and when all else fails there's always wine.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

5 THINGS THAT ANNOY ME

So I have been a very good girl lately about not focusing on the negative and not getting swallowed up in anxiety or stress or things I cannot control or the fact that I have not won the lottery yet despite the universe knowing that I clearly deserve to.

Nope, I have been very Zen and have been re-reading Deepak Chopra, Eckhart Tolle and all those cheesy Positive Outlook quotes on Facebook, like a crack addict gettin' their daily fix.  I am ooooohhhhmmmmm. 

However, despite my new positive, "roll with the punches" attitude I still allow myself the freedom to be annoyed, to wrinkle my nose and think WTF?  Here are five things that I find particularly irritating/confusing/annoying/down right piss-off-able since my relocation to "little Texas"

1) Green Doesn't Mean Go?  I don't know what it is but every time I come upon traffic at a GREEN light, nobody is moving. Why? Is somebody up there finishing a text they thought they had time to send? Are they staring at that pretty, green light like a Poddling from the Dark Crystal getting their essence sucked out? Are they worried that the green light is a trap and that if they move through the intersection too quickly aliens will descend and teleport them away to perform medical experiments?  I am very confused? Where I come from GREEN = GO......so please GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2) Sauntering Whether it's on the sidewalk, getting on or off the train platform, walking through the mall or navigating the plus 15s, why is everybody sauntering?? I mean come on, not everybody is a power walker and most people that know me, get that I'm a bit of a hummingbird and just can't do slow at any time, however.......... sauntering? Lolly gagging along like time does not exist and everybody behind you wants to miss the next cross walk light or train, or whatever.  I really don't want to get stuck behind your winter wrapped up butt as you amble forward like a lost zombie. Quit texting while you are crossing the street or weaving from side to side like a drunken typewriter preventing me from passing you......GET OUT OF MY WAY!

3) Girls/Women Who Still Have Bare Legs Outside  Are you trying to prove that you're tough or just stupid?  I get that maybe you don't plan on being outside for all that long, and it doesn't really bother you, however when it's -20 outside, pre-wind-chill factor, and you're wearing booty shorts and Uggs you just look like a moron.  I don't care how tough you are or how "climatized" to the cold you are pretending to be, put some damn leg warmers on or pants or something, because you're making me cold just looking at you and I already feel cold enough damn it.

4) What Did the Letter U ever Do?   For some reason Alberta has forsaken the letter U and uses the American spellings of words like "color" and "honor" and "labor".  It's wrong.  I'm thinking of starting a campaign to bring back the U.  Expect to see a petition on Facebook you'll ignore shortly.

5) Everything  I'm finishing this post in a bit of a grumpy, downer mood. You know you have those days when EVERYTHING annoys you? The sound of somebody clicking their pen, someone's coat, the cat fur stuck in the carpet, the fact that some people don't "KEEP RIGHT EXCEPT TO PASS", the line at Tim Hortons, the sound of the kids' screeching, the colour of the ribbon on the Christmas tree in the lobby, the hole in my mittens, the lack of really fattening, salty, snacks in my cupboards, life, god damn, messy life. *Insert Big Sigh Here* 

Ah, life is all good, and while I am NOT a cranky pants these days and I am trying to change my Negative Nelly ways, I still have days where I want to kick a small dog (sorry, just joking of course) or throw a great big hissy fit to rival those of those pageant brats on TLC. I do find a great deal to be grateful for and to enjoy all through out the day.  (It's just that sometimes I fantasize about smashing my way through a green light, knocking people out of the way like a human dozer, kicking girls with bare legs in the shins and screaming out my truck window, "Where the F&*% is the letter U!!!!!!!!)

Don't worry I won't..........................today.



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